China Tower calling Alameda

Enya - Na Laetha Gael M'Oige

Well, maybe things are looking up. New job has begun, old job but a memory. I type this after my first day at my new employment and although I feel good about things in some respects, I also feel insular (I wonder if thats right?) cut off from everything and, to an extent, everyone. I don't know what to make of it, it doesn't feel quite right but it also doesn't feel particularly wrong either. I used to worry quite often that I was losing touch with everyone in my life (in some cases I was right) but lately I have developed an acceptance of what I have come to beleive lies ahead. In some instances I may even be found guilty of precipitating or, at the very least, accelerating the process. I swing to polar oppposites from time to time, wanting to cling to things as they were and yet sometimes wanting to discard everything and escape not only from everything and everyone else, but also from myself as made by others around me a version of "me" that may never have existed outside if the perceptions of those in my life and my attempts to reflect/live up to them, a version of "me" that I may never have truly been. Perhaps it is no coincidence that those I still keep close to are those who are accepting (and sometimes encouraging) of this change in my character, those who wish to keep me as I was or as the beleive I have always been may just be the ones I miss the least. If I was to up and leave one morning, would many even notice any more? Probably not.